Meetings with people are a central part of personal leadership. But how many meetings actually end with clear progress, insights or decisions? The difference between meetings that create value and those that feel wasted often lies in our verbal behaviors and our ability to use them.
The beauty is that verbal behavior is a skill that can be practiced and improved . By becoming more aware of how we communicate, we can develop our personal leadership and create greater success in our encounters with people.
What do I mean by verbal behaviors?
It is HOW we express ourselves, listen and interact with others in conversation. Here are a number of examples.
🔹 Do we ask questions that allow the group to focus on the problem picture or the desired situation.
🔹 Do we show that we listen actively , by summarizing, testing understanding or confirming what is said?
🔹 Do we build on each other's thoughts , or do we get stuck in monologues and parallel discussions?
When I train people to improve their verbal behaviors, the person develops their ability to create value in every interaction – a crucial part of personal leadership .
Three powerful verbal behaviors for effective meetings
1️⃣ Clarifying & developing questions !
In many meetings we are quick to give answers, but slow to ask questions. By using questions such as "Can you elaborate on what you mean by that?" or "How do you see this affecting our next step?" we create clarity, involve others and avoid misunderstandings.
2️⃣ Active listening
Listening is not the same as waiting for your turn to speak. Active listening is about responding to what is said by someone else, e.g.:
"I hear you mention X as a challenge, is that correct?"
"What you say connects to something we discussed earlier, so let's add that perspective as well to create an overall picture of the problem."
It shows respect, builds trust and ensures that everyone is on board.
3️⃣ Constructive behaviors
Instead of jumping between different topics and ideas, we need to build on what has already been said.
Example:
"I like your idea of involving the customer earlier in the process. We could also supplement with..."
"To tie into what you said, what do you guys think about taking the next step with X?"
Constructive behaviors create structure, focus and momentum in the conversation. We avoid getting round in the conversation where everyone sends their perspective.
A trainable skill that strengthens your personal leadership
It's not about being a "born communicator" – it's about consciously practicing .
By improving their verbal behaviors, you strengthen your communication, build better relationships and become a clearer leader.
Three questions to reflect on after your next meeting:
1️⃣ How many questions did you ask to deepen the conversation?
2️⃣ How did you show that you listened actively?
3️⃣ Did you build on other people's ideas, or did the conversation get stuck in monologues?
Small adjustments in how we communicate can make a big difference - both for the quality of the meeting and for how you are perceived as a leader.
What verbal behavior do you focus on to create effective and engaging meetings? Please share your experience!
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