Three things to change in your sales Coaching

Most conversations don’t fail because people lack answers.

They fail because we don’t listen long enough to find the real problem.

In coaching there are three things which could change your coaching

Active listening + empathy + great questions.

But here’s the twist: research suggests that being a “good listener” isn’t about being quiet—it’s a two-way dialogue. The best listeners ask questions that help the other person think, clarify, and go deeper (listeners should act as “trampolines,” not sponges). 

And questions don’t just uncover needs—they shape relationships. Studies from Harvard researchers found that people who ask more questions (especially follow-up questions) are better liked by their conversation partner, partly because they’re perceived as more responsive and caring. 

Empathy matters too—not as “being nice,” but as a performance skill. Research connects empathic leadership with stronger employee outcomes like engagement and innovation. 

5 practical ways to train this (starting today)

1. Listen for meaning, not wording.

   After 60 seconds, summarize: “What I’m hearing is…” (then pause).

2. Ask one follow-up before you give an opinion.

   Make it a rule: curiosity before credibility.

3. Label emotions (lightly).

   “It sounds frustrating / uncertain / exciting…” (then ask: “Did I get that right?”)

4. Use the “3-deep” ladder into the depth of a well

   1. What did you do?

      (What did you say or do in the situation?)

   2. What thinking led you to that action?

      (What were you telling yourself in that moment?)

   3. What feeling sat underneath that thinking?

      (What emotion was present beneath those thoughts?)

5. End with a commitment question.

   “What would a good next step look like—small enough to do this week?”

If you want a simple self-check: after your next meeting, ask yourself:

• Did I learn something new about the other person's world—or did I mostly confirm my own view?

Over to you:

• Which skill do you find hardest in real conversations—listening, empathy, or asking great questions? And what would happened to you and your counterpart if you got 10% at sales coaching.